Today, I thought I would share some things that I feel like you should know. This is by no means a comprehensive list. Many of my friends and family are now following my blog. That is something that is absolutely terrifying to me. It’s hard to open up and be honest about my disorder, but for some reason knowing that people I love read it makes it just a little bit harder. But, I want my friends and family to know that I am so grateful for their support. My followers, I don’t think I could ever express how much it means to me that you are willing to read and follow along with my new blogging journey.
Now, back on topic. There are things I would like to say about my disorder. Some of the things on this list are more of a reminder to me, but I still wanted to share.
I am not an expert on Body Dysmorphia.
I was diagnosed about three years ago and I am still very new to understanding it. I have tried to learn as much as I can about it. Some days, I read medical journals, articles, and people’s personal experiences and it makes me feel less alone. Other times I read the information and cry until my head hurts. I don’t want to be this way. I don’t want to feel like a failure and that I have so many flaws.
I am so thankful for the people who have done research about the disorder, so that I can learn more. I am so impressed with the people who are willing to share their experiences. They are such an inspiration to me. On the days it is too hard for me to take in, I will take a break. There is no need for me to wallow in self pity.
I do have a healthy way of coping with my irrational and obsessive thoughts.
I was dating my now husband when I was going through therapy for a relapse with my eating disorder. Now, I have been to see many therapists and nothing really seemed to help me. It’s not that the therapists weren’t qualified. They were. They were amazing, I just hadn’t found one that really clicked with me. One thing I feel successful at is that I never gave up looking for the right therapist. I knew deep down, that it was something I needed. Even though it is extremely hard for me to open up and admit my flaws, I needed to find someone. I needed to find a therapist who was no nonsense, safe, and tough loving. I found her. I drove 40 minutes every week to meet her, and it was worth every minute. She didn’t let me get away with ANYTHING! She called me out on my bullshit. She told me I was strong and I needed to recognize it. She taught me a coping mechanism called cognitive mapping.
Cognitive mapping, from my experience, is where you write down an irrational thought, write about your behavior because of the thought, map out where it may have came from, and how to replace the thought if it occurs again. I know this strategy works for me. However, sometimes it is hard for me to start the process. I try to map out the problem in my head instead of writing down. For me it is more beneficial to write it down. I need to stop being stubborn and get my pencil and paper out and get to work!
I will never be cured of Body Dysmorphia or my eating disorder.
Body Dysmorphia is a disorder that will be will me my whole life. That doesn’t mean that I can’t help curb any obsessive thoughts to help me function more rationally. Some days, this is the hardest part. Like any mental issue, it would be amazing if I could snap my fingers and be cured. But that is silly. I know I have said this before, but I can only try my best to use coping methods to make my days better.
I do not like being told “it’s all in your head.”
I know it is in my head, it is a mental illness. The best way to make me frustrated when I’m having a bad BD day is to tell me those annoying words. I know it may seem like people are trying to make me aware that I am being irrational, however, it ends up making me feel more emotional unstable. So please, please refrain from using those words towards me.
I have only shared four things that I would like you to know. There are so many more. Every so often, I will add to my list. As always, if you have any questions, please do not hesitate to ask.
Thank you for taking the time to read 🙂