I have always struggled with depression and anxiety my whole life. Most of the time the depression is manageable and I am able to go about daily life. During my rounds of depression I still feel disconnected and numb, however I can at least ‘deal.’
As much as I would like to pretend that I can always make it through and deal with life when my depression hits, there have been times when I can’t. These are the times when I realize I need help and I can no longer just manage to get by.
I am going to write about all three of the times where I realized I needed help the most. I have never talked about any of these before, but for some reason I feel like I need to share these particular moments from my past. Perhaps, I will reach someone and they will realize it is time to seek help as well.
The three events I’m going to share are not pretty in any way. They are ugly, raw, and messed up. The point is, when I realized I needed help I was in a shit hole of a mess. Even worse, I was the only person to blame for each situation.
My therapist recently told me about HALT. If you are ever in a funk or feeling really low to think if it is related to one of the following: Hunger, Anger, Lonely, or Tired. As I think about the past mistakes I have made when I have been really low, most of them can be traced to feeling lonely or the fear of being alone.
The first time I realized I needed help was after being dumped (in a cruel way, I might add), the second time was meeting up with a toxic person, and the most recent time was getting the cops called on me.
There was never just one time I realized I needed help, but multiple times. The reason being is I got the help I needed and then I thought I didn’t need anymore support. The result was I spiraled back into making mistakes and began a cycle.
I hope to break the cycle by continuing to be open about my mental health, going to therapy, and getting rid of things in my life that are not benefiting me.
My next posts will be about each of the moments I reached out for help.
Until then, thanks for reading.