I haven’t felt like blogging for a little bit. I made a goal of writing a post every week and posting it on Sundays. I was doing pretty good for about a month and then I hit a wall.
I started to get stuck in my own head. I kept thinking that no one wants to read my blog or that no one really cares. I was feeling discouraged and embarrassed about sharing such a personal story.
I was thinking about quitting and deleting my blog altogether, when I thought about why I started blogging to begin with.
All of my life I felt alone with my disorders (at the time I didn’t know what it was, but I could tell I wasn’t quite normal). I felt so disconnected from the world and sometimes from who I was. It was an odd feeling and most of the time I felt miserable.
I was always second guessing myself and trying to hide who I was. I didn’t want anyone to know that I had strange repeating thoughts, or that I had a really hard time with my body image. It didn’t seem like anyone was going through what I was. It seemed that everyone was just happy and normal.
So, back to the question. Why did I start blogging about my mental health?
My hope is that I reach someone that feels alone or trapped in their head like I do. I hope that I reach that person and help them feel less alone. I hope that my road to recovery finds someone so that they feel the courage to reach out for help.
I hope that by continuing to blog, that I can somewhat normalize mental illness. Mental illness affects a lot of people and yet we try to cover it up or shame it. I am tired of feeling ashamed for something that is and will always be a part of me. I cannot get rid of it. I will always have disordered thoughts and behaviors. However, I can use my experience to help others.
It is not fun to face these things alone. If you are feeling ashamed, alone, or trapped please reach out to someone, you can even reach out to me.
I’m going to try my best to not give up on blogging. I really do hope that I reach one person, and who knows? Maybe that one person will end up being myself.
As always, thanks for reading.